As long as we are talking about the posts we hate...

I get that my facebook rants are not for everybody, and I get that there are many who might just think I am not for real, or there is no way that I can be this positive and happy so much of the time. I get it...don't really know what to say but, I get it.

But as long as others are allowed to say what they hate about facebook posts, let me say those that I dislike the most are the descriptions below....

So you are reading along and there are the "this is what I had for dinner", and "gosh I had a bad day at work" and those annoying "I Love My LIFE people" LOL, and then you come across those who never really say anything, they are just reposting the stuff someone else said, or the pictures that you have seen on your wall 63 times today, or those copy and pastes---yuk.

I share some, that really move me, the pics that say something I have never heard quiet like that before---but i try to limit it to just a few now and then. Because I would rather hear the real stuff, from you! But when I do share those everyone has shared, it is usually something like this...



...and I usually follow it with some of my own love for the sharing...
WOW---love this! What are you working for? How are you expressing yourself? Who notices your presence, but would miss you in your absence more.

But after the fourth or fifth on your wall, and the 6th or 7th on 30 or 40 of the 1,000 friends that I have, I might start just passing by. I guess thats ok, there are no rules that says I have to read all the stuff on my wall. Heck you can skip by all mine if you want to.

And then there are those who share not one, but 17 songs...Ummm, I got iTunes, so if its not an oldy I haven't heard in awhile or something new with a great message, or those independent new artists that songs are so special and original and amazing, I probably wont listen but athanks for sharing the first two. I want to find those that I know that I may never hear them on major radio play, but that does not mean they are not pure greatness. But while you are still thinking about the music thing, take a listen to my friend Tiffany Carlen Hurd, she is just one of those independent musicians/singers who are making great music with her own creative flair and amazing talent...Love this song!






And then there are those who seem hell bent on posting every tear jerking, i got my heart broken again whah whah whah, until I'm ready to throw up...well not really I just don't listen to them anymore. Im actually starting to really think the unsubscribe button might be pure genius.


But my biggest pet peeve of all are those that are about some "crisis" that you are not really wanting to talk about. So can I ask why you posted it on facebook? Or when I ask "whats wrong, you say well I'm not telling everyone about it"...umm yeah you kinda are, well just a tease of it anyway!! So if there are just 4 or 5 that you want to have all the details, then why not just send a private message to those 4 or 5? Why not create a group where you can have PRIVATE bitch seesions, where the only poeole who are privy to the posts are the ones in the group?--(note-thats what I have done).

The boyfriend of the week drama, gosh I love him, my life is complete, I can't believe he's not calling me back, what's wrong with me, I thought we were in love and we were together 72 of the most wonderful hours of my life.

I just deleted my latest, "I don't know how we became friends" from facebook the other day and her posts were angry, mean and all about how wonderful she was at getting even...um yeah remind me never to make her mad...no serioulsy. Sometimes the posts are borderline illegal...shocking to say the least.

Now I guess at this time, it would be good to add in a disclaimer. I do not, I repeat DO NOT want everyone to post exactly like me. Im already in my head...and believe me, one of me running around in there is enough. But hearing what you have to say in your own voice, with your own truth and from your own real life experience...well thats just amazing. I can learn so much if you are being real, we can share humor, insight or just goofy fun...but if it's not you, then we aren't really connecting much...not that we have to.

I've heard the comments, sometimes directed at me and sometimes said indirectly directional in hopes that I would get it. But heres the thing, I no more expect you to follow my guidelines than you should expect me to change for you. The most amazing thing about humans besides how much we are all alike, is how we are all different. Confused yet? I learn daily from those who have cared enough to share their wisdom, I laugh often by those who have found their humor. Likewise I am comforted daily by those who drip with compassion. But my favorite of all are those who encourage, so naturally that it feels as if they are my own little cheerleading squad. I lived the life that was about secrets, don't piss anyone off veil and pretend like everyone and everything is ok...ummm it's not. You are as sick as you are secret.

So when Facebook was originated, it was set up to give busy college students a way to be connected. It began I think to share information, and if you watched the movie, it was about the 72 or fewer hour relationships status sharing. But some are missing it for the great tool that it is.

So here is what I think...If you take all the ways that humans have communicated since we learned to grunt...one of the most constant parts of our sharing is learning,humor and sharing of troubles. The looking for the answers kind of sharing. If I share with you something that I have learned, you have the option to get the lesson too, without ever having to face the sitution. Multitasking at its best. I just learned it for all of us, mark if off your to do list. Or you can at least have the information abou the lesson when you set off to try it yourself. We learn to share those things we know people want to hear. So if the majority of the people are responding to drama, they may be recovering soap opera addicts. If the number of posts increases because you found a great "wisdom" pic to share, you are probably gathering frieds that are on a path of self discovery and life success. If you are getting the most comments after the 63rd breakup of that incidental relationship that was really just three dates, those folks are probably just glad its you and not them.

I went to the store. I just got home. I bought laundry detergent. I fed the dog. I washed my face...ugh, ugh, ugh....but I discovered something amazing today...life is what I make it. Friends are the gift that keeps on giving. I love when someone believes in me more than I do myself, Dr. Suess said this, and I remember my grandmother used to say that...now that is the essence of what makes facebook great. If you are of the other side, I'm ok with kinda reading what you post...wish you would lose the fear and tell me what you really think, but then again, just remember "NO, this blog is NOT about YOU!!

Get a freaking grip

So--over the last few days there has been much postings on my wall and on others about facebook etiquette. And while I am not entirely sure that it is appropriate to get on a soap box about do's and don'ts for anyone else, I am here to tell you that my guidelines are pretty clear for me.

So here goes.

If you have a problem with my postings, please feel free to delete me and be done with our online interaction. But likewise when someone we know mutually sends me a note and asks did you see what Whosee~whatzit said, and I say no and then try to find out why I didn't see it, and I see that we are no longer friends, I am going to think that there is an issue, and that you did not feel that a conversation to discuss it was worth your time and I will then block you. If you cannot speak to me face to face, and we come to an agreement, then you not being able to read my posts behind the scenes should not ever be an issue.

Also if every other post that you make on your page is about calling someone out about this wrong or that wrong and you are sure that this is the best option for conflict resolution, I may do the afformentioned delete, block and disregard that I mentioned in my first paragraph. Here is my explanation. I work very hard to find the positive in everything, and viral attacks, backhanded verbal assaults and I got even tirades are just well to be blunt, so 4th grade. I really don't care about how you got your ex thrown in jail, how you cussed out your neighbor because their cat took a poo on your yard, or how so and so created drama at this place or that event. Ummm...just a clue to you, you just carried their drama and made it yours, tried to make it mine and created more of what you just said you hated.

I have been told on more than one post-delete event that my wall posts are too positive, that no one can every be that happy and that reading all my good news makes them feel worse about their life. REally? So removing someone who has come through mountains of negative, took many self help courses, hired and worked with a mentor for 13+ years to try and navigate this life without the afformentioned jealousy, envy and anger at others people's happiness, is the best step for you moving past those feelings--by all means give me the button. But just so you know, it's your choice to feel and hold onto those feelings, not mine. I was there...lived and hated most every minute of that same "gosh why can't my life be better" address, and it SUCKED--BIG TIME!!!

But instead of being angry at those who seemed to always be happy and have a life that I was jealous of, I began to ask them how it was that they were so happy. You know the stories that I heard were mind-blowing! No serioulsy! The little crappy moments that I was clinging to that I felt were wrecking my happiness were NOTHING compared to some of the struggles that these crazy happy people had been through. And you know what was the greatest thing of all? The same theme of recovery came through each story---we each have a choice the be the victim or the victorious! To hang onto the sadness or let it go by us for the feeling that it is and then turn to count our blessings. See the things that we can be grateful for no matter how small.


Here is one such post that got my dander up...facebook is a wonderful thing. It helps us keep up with old friends and connect with new ones. BUT, it also creates a false image in our minds about how perfect and amazing other people's lives are and sometimes it makes me feel like crap to read other people's updates about their wonderfully harmonious families. I really hope I'm not one of those people but just in case, my house is usually a mess, my kids are little sh*ts a lot of the time, I'm far from the perfect mother and my husband can be a real a-hole when the mood strikes him. I just had to put that out there ;)

I don't even know this person, the post was relayed to me by a third party...but read this next

Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. If you can't accept yourself, then certainly no one else will. - Sasha Azevedo

If you are feeling less than the child of God that you are, not reading someone's positive stuff is never going to make that better or worse. We each have the abitlity to create the life we want, not to say there won't be ups and downs, but the choice to find the lesson or the love is always ours to make. And heres the biggest clue of all, my house is often a mess, my windshield wiper is not working and leaves a crappy view when it's raining, my dog keeps chewing up my cords in my house, and I just came through an ugly divorce. I also have been struggling financially for years because of choices that I made in that previous life...and although I can see the dawn, it has not been all sunshine and tulips. But I find things...no change that LOOK for things ALWAYS that make me smile. The laughs of my grands, the successes of my kids, the milestones of my clients, the joy in my friends lives. I got to hit all green lights on the way to work, saw 17 of the cars I want to buy today, got an amazing gift from a dear friend or got two new friends who have wonderful, happy sappy things to say on their walls all the time.

And just one more note. I have researched, asked and tried to find one example of where FACEBOOK really dropped some of my friends. Just send them an email...it can't happen. The only way someone is removed is if they do it, they delete their page or they are hacked. And seriously does that every happen. Oh, I think I will be a random hacker and go and delete people of someones wall and then never know if there was an issue or if they were even missed. Who has time for that kind of crap?

Please don't lie--if you want to delete somebody at least have the balloons to tell them so!

I will just end this by saying, I have deleted people without explanation---don't feel like I owed them one. But likewise I would never come back later and go "I think facebook deleted you from my page, can you add me back?" I also would explain to them why I chose to remove their negativity from my life. That is not to say that if I know them socially and saw them some where that I would not be polite or acknowledge the type of friendship we do have which is acquainteces. But the people that are my friends, tell me stuff--when I screw up, when I am being a goof and when I do things right. They comment on my page, like things I write or tell me why they don't. They do not fuss that I am too happy, they say things like your posts remind me that I have so many things to be grateful for. I am done "trying" to be friends with people who don't like me. Can't believe I ever even thought "MAKING" friends was a viable way to enhance my life anyway. But when I see those people who have worked at figuring out the mechanics of a happy life, are adding positivity to my life or are at least open to trying to be a positive influence in this world, well those people I don't have to "MAKE" into friends, they got the friend thing figured out.

I have deleted people for a few reasons, the ones mentioned above, behavior that left me with a knowing that their moral compass was so far left of where mine aims, and for outright verbal vomit on facebook. To be honest I miss some of those folks for the friends I thought they were, but I don't miss the person I discovered them to really be. One of my favorite quotes comes from one a movie, and I don't remember is exactly but the gist of it is this---"The people you chose to spend time with, tell you who you are". If you see unhappiness, jealousy, drama and damage all around you, it might be time to take an inventory of your life, your friends and your facebook. But the biggest thing of all is that you are not required to make progress, find happiness or ever, ever like anything that I write--did you get the EVER_EVER!! I don't write for you--because this Blog is NOT about YOU!!

Drivers that DRIVE me CRAZY and other interesting pet peeves

They are out there...and sometimes it's all I can do to just wish them a Merry Christmas or send them a heart felt God Bless You! But seriously I just wonder how the heck did they ever get a driver's license? How do they get from point A to B and not have like 13 new dings, dents and damage claims to add to their resume?

They use no signal and turn sharply in front of you, or go from 55 mph to a crawl in nothing flat---sure glad Im not responsible for their brakes.

They never see yellow...EVER---its just a lighter shade of green.

They love to drive like crazy to pass you even when it's not really safe and then just a short distance ahead slam on the brakes to stop you so they can turn left.

They drive 25 mph hour becuase they don't know where they are going and are reading all the signs except for the one that say 70mph!! (hint try driving on the shoulder or access roads)

They misunderstood the FAST lane concept and thinks it means to use when you are tired of life in the fast lane, ie lets go 40---NOTS.

They think my bumper is just another fun thing to try to run into---at 80 miles an hour as they pass me so very closely on the interstate....no I really do not think you had enough room to move over, let alone leave any room for Jesus!



Oh and my all time favorite is those who feel that because they have a window that is power controlled that gives them the right to use my world as their trash dump, ash tray or garbage disposal.

OK...thats about my 5 minutes on the soap box....who are some of your favorite drivers?!

Social Media is here...now get over it and sign up!!

I can't even begin to understand the fear. It's over the top, irrational and big brother fobia at it's best. Those who were born in my generation or even the few before are resisting the Social Media movement as if it were leading them to slaughter.

I only want to tell you about all the wonderful connections that have been added to my life through the internet. The relationships that blessed my reality that would have probably never happened had I sat with my twiddling thumbs and saying but I don't understand how it works.

I have witnessed facebook bashings where people were lecturing someone in their friends list becuase they had asked a question about breastfeeding....now here is where the it's none of my business line was crossed.---see Facebook Posts below.

Saturday 12/31/2011 posted ON my WALL---ie belongs to me and I can write whatever I want!!

A wonderful discussion brought up earlier from one new mother to all those "old" moms on HER wall~~was thought to be out of place and offensive to someone she was friends with. I thought it rather strange that someone would be offended by the simple question that was asked, on a social network where she (the New mom) could socially interact with her network. Just a thought...a social network is ...made up of the people that I know-that you may know-that I want to know and be social with. It is not a church service, a public television broadcast or an entertainment venue for small children. And while sometimes there are words used, thoughts shared and ideas expressed that I do not agree with, I hear, see and experience those same things everytime I go to Walmart--ie refer to the peolple of Walmart.com--last night for example, while looking for vitamins with and for my 3 year old granddaughter--and my daughter, a herd of boys(vaguely disguised as young men) came loudly barreling down the aisle we were on and using language that many would find offensive. Not really appropriate for a shopping trip with a three year old. My space was invaded and our ears subject to their loud and careless verbal vomit and I was somewhat offended--for just a second. The number of things I could have done were many, but what I decided to do was honor their freedom of speech, no matter how rude, calous and inconsiderate I thought it to be, and remind Maddie, that she can chose better words. Now I don't set out to correct their behavior or demean them when they dont seem to care or even consider what I think of them, I do however feel like life is too short to ever chose to be or stay offended. I love the interaction on MY wall, I adore those in my social network...and I chose to keep sharing thoughts, reading notes and interacting with all the amazing people who have been added to my network! "nuff said.

Here were the comments after my little turn on the soap box...

Christina Miller Mikeska~~
I know what you are referring to Pammee and I totally agree....those comments were ridiculous!!!! She had every right to post what she did wasn't offensive at all!!!!
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Crystal Dudley
Well said Pam... I agree!!

Brianne Snider
THANK YOU PAMMEE!! Is it not ok and totally natural for a new mom to ask questions about breast feeding?? I couldnt believe it started a war on my fb! And my family were the ones offended by my questions! Some people are much more modest than i am but after laying on a table naked and being cut wide open to bring my child into the world, i feel i have all right to openly talk about something as natural as breast feeding! I love you ladies and appreciate your support!! Cant wait for yall to meet prince charming!!!

Pamela Smith Masters
I tell everyone who is my friend that I speak my mind, share what I feel led to and will always, always, always see my wall as my place for personal expression. So if at any time they feel what I share is not to their liking, there doesnt really need to be any drama and I sure don't need them to counsel me on my etiquet, ON MY OWN WALL!!!! The strangest comments have always been about me being too positive...go figure??~~ You keep reaching out to those who care about you Bri...and ask whatever you feel will help you as you navigate parenthood...sure wish those little ones came with an operations manual!!!


So the post that she had made just so you know was to the MOMs on HER wall, that could give her a little counsel for some issues she was expeirencing with BREASTFEEDING!! I know right? You are just as shocked as me right? Seriously, and to find out the person who was offended was in her family--wow, just wow.

What kind of online world are we coming to when you cannot even ask the people who have agreed to be your friends, and by all accounts should have some knowledge and understanding about the things you will probably post on YOUR WALL, a simple question about something as natural as BREASTFEEDING??

I cannot even tell you the number of times I have seen questions asked that although a bit humorous, I would have rather not seen them on my wall...but hey I have some pretty interesting friends so serves me right. BUT BREASTFEEDING???

Any way--it lead me to think a little more about us older folks and why we don't seem to grasp the whole ONLINE thing anyway.

Ok...so here it is. ONLINE life has taken our little back yard(which we don't really use much anymore) fence conversations(which don't really happen much anymore because everyone has an 8ft tall privacy fence) and given them new life and breath. We can read(listen) to each neighbor, or just those we want to hear today. We can catch up on news, and never even have to wait until 5,6 or 10. (Oh just make sure you google and check your sources before you share or repeat--LOL fair warning!!) Oh and by the way Bon Jovi is NOT dead!!

Not only that--INTERNET it has given us the opportunity to learn more than many of us ever thought we could. Our world is truely large these days, but it gets a little smaller every day when we can make friends in other countries without ever even standing in line all day to get a passport, or loading up our credit cards for those huge airline tickets to go and meet someone in Australia. Now that is not to say after we have met everyone who can add a little somthing to our lives that we cannot then get that passport, buy that $2000 (if you are going both ways) airline ticket and visit our new friends...it just means that we don't have to wait until then. We don't have to travel to the next seminar on breastfeeding, or sit in the Dr's office for an hour so they can tell us just ask your mom and her friends what to do about enlarged and tender breasts.

Ok...so here is the long and breast of it. Your wall wiggles and intersects around with my wall if you hit the accept button when I asked if you wanted to be FACEBOOk friends. That means you can see what I post, unless I think it might piss you off and block you from that one...but for the most part you can see what I write, and likewise I can see yours. IT is NOT a public broadcast like a television show. It is not being shown up on the big screen some where and since most people aren't even allowed to use their FACEBOOK at work, the question about BREASTFEEDING will not be up on your screen when your boss comes in your office. You can share as much or as little as you like. You can use foul language or post pretty prose if you prefer. YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR WALL WHAT---EVVVERRRR you choose. IT'S YOURS. Likewise mine is mine...if you don't like my wisdom, wit and warm fuzzies...please feel free to block, delete or otherwise remove my disturbing positivity from your online life.

Ok...so I think the count is like 800#####MILLION people who are online and using accounts actively on FACEBOOK! DID you see that? Tell your old farts and family members they are missing out on where every one is sharing if they do not have an account. And just for the record, my internet has been hacked several times, and my computer has experienced a worm or two, survived a virus and a few other interseting little doses of stupid from those people who want to find someway to hack into my world...see everyone does want to be me, or you, or anyone but who they are. As far as I know the world is still turning, I still have computer, my bank account is fairly secure...nto much money in there anyways, and our online lives although tinged with a bit of drama now and then are relatively safe. It's actually more safe than real life. Because when those people that slipped in without me knowing much about them, and I begin to see signs of abnomral, abject, and offensive posts---breastfeeding not included, I can take steps to limit their access to my online life. Pretty safe if you ask me...now that is not to say that a good face to face come to Jesus meeting is still called for from time to time, but most folks who need to be deleted wouldn't really get anything out of that expenditure of energy anyway. I will save my words for those who want to read them..IE~~the ones who have decided to inter~twingle with my wall!