Get a freaking grip

So--over the last few days there has been much postings on my wall and on others about facebook etiquette. And while I am not entirely sure that it is appropriate to get on a soap box about do's and don'ts for anyone else, I am here to tell you that my guidelines are pretty clear for me.

So here goes.

If you have a problem with my postings, please feel free to delete me and be done with our online interaction. But likewise when someone we know mutually sends me a note and asks did you see what Whosee~whatzit said, and I say no and then try to find out why I didn't see it, and I see that we are no longer friends, I am going to think that there is an issue, and that you did not feel that a conversation to discuss it was worth your time and I will then block you. If you cannot speak to me face to face, and we come to an agreement, then you not being able to read my posts behind the scenes should not ever be an issue.

Also if every other post that you make on your page is about calling someone out about this wrong or that wrong and you are sure that this is the best option for conflict resolution, I may do the afformentioned delete, block and disregard that I mentioned in my first paragraph. Here is my explanation. I work very hard to find the positive in everything, and viral attacks, backhanded verbal assaults and I got even tirades are just well to be blunt, so 4th grade. I really don't care about how you got your ex thrown in jail, how you cussed out your neighbor because their cat took a poo on your yard, or how so and so created drama at this place or that event. Ummm...just a clue to you, you just carried their drama and made it yours, tried to make it mine and created more of what you just said you hated.

I have been told on more than one post-delete event that my wall posts are too positive, that no one can every be that happy and that reading all my good news makes them feel worse about their life. REally? So removing someone who has come through mountains of negative, took many self help courses, hired and worked with a mentor for 13+ years to try and navigate this life without the afformentioned jealousy, envy and anger at others people's happiness, is the best step for you moving past those feelings--by all means give me the button. But just so you know, it's your choice to feel and hold onto those feelings, not mine. I was there...lived and hated most every minute of that same "gosh why can't my life be better" address, and it SUCKED--BIG TIME!!!

But instead of being angry at those who seemed to always be happy and have a life that I was jealous of, I began to ask them how it was that they were so happy. You know the stories that I heard were mind-blowing! No serioulsy! The little crappy moments that I was clinging to that I felt were wrecking my happiness were NOTHING compared to some of the struggles that these crazy happy people had been through. And you know what was the greatest thing of all? The same theme of recovery came through each story---we each have a choice the be the victim or the victorious! To hang onto the sadness or let it go by us for the feeling that it is and then turn to count our blessings. See the things that we can be grateful for no matter how small.


Here is one such post that got my dander up...facebook is a wonderful thing. It helps us keep up with old friends and connect with new ones. BUT, it also creates a false image in our minds about how perfect and amazing other people's lives are and sometimes it makes me feel like crap to read other people's updates about their wonderfully harmonious families. I really hope I'm not one of those people but just in case, my house is usually a mess, my kids are little sh*ts a lot of the time, I'm far from the perfect mother and my husband can be a real a-hole when the mood strikes him. I just had to put that out there ;)

I don't even know this person, the post was relayed to me by a third party...but read this next

Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. If you can't accept yourself, then certainly no one else will. - Sasha Azevedo

If you are feeling less than the child of God that you are, not reading someone's positive stuff is never going to make that better or worse. We each have the abitlity to create the life we want, not to say there won't be ups and downs, but the choice to find the lesson or the love is always ours to make. And heres the biggest clue of all, my house is often a mess, my windshield wiper is not working and leaves a crappy view when it's raining, my dog keeps chewing up my cords in my house, and I just came through an ugly divorce. I also have been struggling financially for years because of choices that I made in that previous life...and although I can see the dawn, it has not been all sunshine and tulips. But I find things...no change that LOOK for things ALWAYS that make me smile. The laughs of my grands, the successes of my kids, the milestones of my clients, the joy in my friends lives. I got to hit all green lights on the way to work, saw 17 of the cars I want to buy today, got an amazing gift from a dear friend or got two new friends who have wonderful, happy sappy things to say on their walls all the time.

And just one more note. I have researched, asked and tried to find one example of where FACEBOOK really dropped some of my friends. Just send them an email...it can't happen. The only way someone is removed is if they do it, they delete their page or they are hacked. And seriously does that every happen. Oh, I think I will be a random hacker and go and delete people of someones wall and then never know if there was an issue or if they were even missed. Who has time for that kind of crap?

Please don't lie--if you want to delete somebody at least have the balloons to tell them so!

I will just end this by saying, I have deleted people without explanation---don't feel like I owed them one. But likewise I would never come back later and go "I think facebook deleted you from my page, can you add me back?" I also would explain to them why I chose to remove their negativity from my life. That is not to say that if I know them socially and saw them some where that I would not be polite or acknowledge the type of friendship we do have which is acquainteces. But the people that are my friends, tell me stuff--when I screw up, when I am being a goof and when I do things right. They comment on my page, like things I write or tell me why they don't. They do not fuss that I am too happy, they say things like your posts remind me that I have so many things to be grateful for. I am done "trying" to be friends with people who don't like me. Can't believe I ever even thought "MAKING" friends was a viable way to enhance my life anyway. But when I see those people who have worked at figuring out the mechanics of a happy life, are adding positivity to my life or are at least open to trying to be a positive influence in this world, well those people I don't have to "MAKE" into friends, they got the friend thing figured out.

I have deleted people for a few reasons, the ones mentioned above, behavior that left me with a knowing that their moral compass was so far left of where mine aims, and for outright verbal vomit on facebook. To be honest I miss some of those folks for the friends I thought they were, but I don't miss the person I discovered them to really be. One of my favorite quotes comes from one a movie, and I don't remember is exactly but the gist of it is this---"The people you chose to spend time with, tell you who you are". If you see unhappiness, jealousy, drama and damage all around you, it might be time to take an inventory of your life, your friends and your facebook. But the biggest thing of all is that you are not required to make progress, find happiness or ever, ever like anything that I write--did you get the EVER_EVER!! I don't write for you--because this Blog is NOT about YOU!!